Hardships, hikes, and sewing machines: Yes, I'm still alive

I’m sure you all may be thinking that…. I apologize for it being so long between blog entries. Fortunately the few people who read these are close family/friends thus knowing I haven’t been swallowed by a python or have fallen down the chimbudzi (pit latrine). I wish I could say “I’ve been having so much fun that I haven’t had a chance to blog!” however, unfortunately, that’s not quite the case. Coming to Malawi and beginning blogging, I’ve been resistant to write about my troubles, but alas this is part of my service and it’s silly to pretend it doesn’t exist. So here goes...

When I was a first year volunteer, I heard so many times “The one year mark is the hardest and most challenging.” Having worked through a rough patch this past November, I pretentiously thought that I was in the clear….I was wrong. The last month and a half here has been the hardest part of my service by far, trying my best to refocus myself and continue with my service and projects. In short, the following have been a few of the things I’ve been struggling with: cultural differences weighing on me (such as, “Where do I fit?” “Where does my culture fit into my service?” “Do my morals matter when I have to submit to the culture?” etc.), being the only white person in my village (and the expectations that go along with that), transport being a challenge (it stresses me out), the rising costs of living (food goods, transport, household items), health issues with Peter (I’ll expand later), just to name a few. 

For a moment I digress. Throughout my entire service I’ve imagined my experience here being similar to a roller coaster ride. Some days/weeks/months are amazing, full of exciting experiences and progress. Others can leave me wondering “What’s the point of my being here?” and “Am I making any difference.” As I’ve experienced (and continually tell myself) I have to hang on through the rough times because an awesome thrill is just around the corner. Although the toughest times to remember such things is when it feels like it’s the worst. Even though I’ve been struggling with the above listed things, keeping a clear mind and hopes for better times has felt like a brick wall. It seemed like the good times would never come. If I’m honest, I’m still struggling a little bit being here but I know it will pass and beautiful things are just around the corner.

I struggled (and still do) to figure out where I fit within Malawian culture. Will I ever blend in, be accepted? It became apparent quite quickly to me when I arrived in Bwanje, Ntcheu that I will never fit in simply because of the color of my skin. In general, Malawians expect things from “mazungu” (white people/travelers) in money or goods, and thus despite my effort to live at the village level, the Malawians around me will always see me as being rich.

I also struggled with my morals when it came down to some very sick puppies in my compound who were born with distemper. Briefly, distemper is a virus which can affect any dog, usually passed on through the genes from the mother. My Malawian dog, Chule, was a distemper puppy and suffered from developmental problems. He’s grown out of it, and is doing a great job at terrorizing chickens and goats. The other kind of distemper is neurological, which puppies will not outgrow. They walk around as if they are drunk, have poor vision, struggle to control their legs, and have a hard time grooming themselves (to name a few symptoms that I ones I’ve noticed first hand). When two neurological distemper pups were born in my compound my first thought was that I need to put them down. I spoke with my neighbor and she wouldn’t to allow me to take them because she had promised them to friends. I tried my best to explain that they are very sick and will always have problems. She still refused. 

My first thought was “I don’t care, I’m going to take them to Lilongwe to put them down.” I knew what was best in the long run for these puppies and felt angry that my neighbor couldn’t see how I was trying to help. Instead, she thought I was going to sell the puppies for profit. I struggled with this for a few days, knowing what I wanted to do but not sure that it was the best choice in regards to my relationships with my neighbors. A long conversation with my dad, tears involved, and I came to the conclusion that I must respect Malawian culture first, my morals come second. I had never been faced with that before, and I still didn’t feel settled about it. As it turned out, I had permission to take the female pup (the brother is still around here) and put her to sleep. What a challenging day…yet I knew it was the best for her. 

A good point my dad made was that sometimes people need to see or experience things for themselves to really understand or learn from them. For example, I’ve cooked along side people before but I’d never really understood cooking until I had to do it for myself here. I’m no pro, but I do manage to feed myself :) Toodles, her brother, is still around here and his condition remains the same: not improving. 

Mt. Mulanje

----------

At the end of May, I had the opportunity for a happy getaway with a friend of mine down south to Mt. Mulanje. I felt like I could breathe and relax, not having to worry about things in the village that were getting to me (lack of vegetable produce, having to start fires for food, etc.). Peter was able to come with and we had a great time hiking and enjoying the scenery. If any of you make it to Malawi, you must go to Mulanje, it’s absolutely stunning. I could not get over how large and beautiful it was! I have hopes and tentative plans to climb it before I leave next year, to look over the landscape of my Malawi and take in all the scenery.

Around this time, Peter had a suspicious lump growing in his cheek. The love I have for this dog makes other people wonder about me, but that’s fine...you’ve gotta shake people up once in a while, right?! I had him neutered the end of April and everything went well. During that time I noticed the growth in his right cheek and took him to the vet to have it removed. Her determination was that it was a tumor… Wait, what?! I was shocked, figuring at just over a year old he was healthy and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything remotely similar for years down the road. Being that there is no way to test animal tissue samples in Malawi, we have yet to determine if it was malignant or benign. 

Peter taking a break. Mt. Mulanje, Malawi

I wanted to do everything possible to help him, realizing without having Peter during my service it would not be the same. The lack of medical testing for him was nothing I could change, which made me feel even more helpless and defeated in the situation. And in all honesty, I considered if his condition got worse if I would ET (Early Terminate) my Peace Corps service and take him home. I can’t imagine being here without Peter (which, yes, is the love I have for him that people think I’m crazy for). A few weeks later and he seems to be in the clear now, although I’m keeping an eye on everything and hoping for the best!

----------

The beginning of this month Evelyn, my counterpart and best friend in the village, left Bwanje for a few weeks to stay in Blantyre where her family lives. It came as a shock to me, being that she told me after she’d already left… Who else would I talk to for hours on end? Who was I to do the Women’s Group with? I don’t speak enough Chichewa to explain everything and no other woman in the group has showed an interest in leading it. With her absence, I realized how much of a friend she is and how I enjoyed biking in to town and simply sitting and chatting and laughing with her. I’m still waiting for her to return so we can continue our meetings,while in the mean time trying to do what I can with my language barrier and the regular ladies. The show must go on….

----------

Still in a bit if a slump (mid June), I made some plans to head to some fellow PCVs sites, Tom and Colin, who were in the same group coming into Malawi last year. I always enjoy seeing others volunteers sites because we all do things different and it’s fun to get new ideas for my house, new cooking techniques, and more. I traveled up to Lilongwe two days before I was to head to Kasungu (their boma, or town) having a heck of a time getting a ride due to the dire fuel shortages right now. I waited two hours for a hitch with Peter, feeling relieved once I was picked up and on my way. About 45 minutes into the ride, while driving through a market area, a drunk guy crossed in the road and when we honked the horn he ran in front of the car, hitting him. I was mortified! We turned back around to find him with a severely broken leg and took him immediately to the hospital, about 5km back down the road.

I’ve only heard of such things happening, never actually being in the car to experiencing it. A big problem here is that market areas (selling food, clothing, etc.) are often times built right along the road/highway and stays busy with buyers and sellers. More often than not you will watch people walk into the road without looking either direction to see if a vehicle is coming. Not only people, but goats, dogs, chickens, cows and more don’t respect the road as they should with cars coming down at 100km/hr or more. It is horrifying hitting a person and not knowing if they are going to be okay. When we arrived at the hospital he appeared incoherent but still alive. I’m not sure what has happened with him, as I had to move on my way to get to Lilongwe to prevent getting wrapped up with the police here or getting caught traveling after dark (which is even more of a hazard).

Unable to hitch I settled for a minibus. I was on the verge of tears, not sure how to handle myself after having seen a man get hit and wanting nothing more to be in Lilongwe and off public transport. If you’ve read any of my other blogs, minibuses are definitely not my favored mode of transport. But sitting at 2pm, I had to get to the city as quick as possible before sunset. So I piled in the front seat to share with another guy there, my bag between my legs and Peter (20kg+) on my lap. I’m so happy that he’s very relaxed in cars! A friend offered to pick me up in Dedza, about half way between where I got on the minibus (Ntcheu boma) and Lilongwe, and I felt so relieved. But icing on the cake, as we neared Dedza, was hitting a baby goat that didn’t make it across the road in time while following mama. All I could think was “are you KIDDING ME?!” I had hit my limit with public transport, never wanting to go anywhere again….except, of course, to see Tom and Colin in the following days. Peace Corps would be too easy with a car.

----------

Colin in Kasungu, Malawi

Visiting Colin’s site and then Tom’s a few days later was a great time. I froze my toes off, though, not at all prepared for the cold weather at their homes. Hard to believe, being that hot season I can’t stop sweating...or complaining for that matter. I learned new ways to cook soya pieces, restored my faith in Royco (a seasoning you can use to make a stew-type of meal), and how to make a cream curry sauce (a-mazing!). It was a blast to catch up with friends and to see them at work in their villages.

Colin and Tom, in front of Tom's house

I went back to Lilongwe with a cold virus in tow. It didn’t seem like anything profound, just one of those you can’t shake. But the few days in Lilongwe gave me a chance to catch up on things, making more plans as well as checking out places for when my parents come to visit in September (WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!). Having Peter there as well made it harder for me to leave, knowing I had everything I really wanted there…. It’s hard to leave electricity and running water as well!

----------

Remember how I used the roller coaster analogy? Well, in the last few weeks I’ve wondered if my roller coaster is just coming to a stop and wont peak again. But all  of this manages to prove me wrong eventually. With the suggestion and help of a friend, I now have a sewing machine at my house! No, I don’t have electricity. It’s an old school pedal machine that I never, ever imagined myself working on. Fortunately I grew up learning on an old Singer (thanks mom!) so I was somewhat familiar with the new-old machine. After getting it calibrated, oiled, bolts tightened….I was off like a maniac! I’m happy to have had the opportunity to experience hand sewing to appreciate the amount of time it takes to create something, but I couldn’t be happier to have a machine in my own house! Already I’ve made a table runner, six placemats, and a bandana, with many more to come including quilts. I’ve made a deal with myself to complete the current quilt I’m on by hand, and then I’ll pick up the pace with the machine. What a joy and permanent grin I have on my face :)

----------

Current quilt that is all hand sewn

I know the new sewing machine will not fix things in my service, but it’s the simple joys one must take with a whole shaker of salt here. I have 9 months left of my service and I must make the best of it. In the works I have a dental hygiene trainging for the month of October (keep sending those toothbrushes my way!), continued work with my Women’s Group, an HIV/AIDS Youth Awareness Day in Ntcheu boma, and prospects of volunteering at my local health clinic.

I don’t know how this thing called life is supposed to go, or how to fix things when they go wrong. I simply have to take it day by day. My recently found interest/passion in yoga keeps me busy and strong, while encouraging my personal journey with myself as an added bonus. I’m so grateful to have this time in my life to experience another culture, live in another country, and be able to nurture my personal growth in relation to all of it. I will never be the same, now or any time in life, but especially from having the opportunity to experience Malawi with all it’s many faces.

I will keep my head high, my fingers away from the pounding needle, and my efforts moving forward for change. All of your unconditional support does more for me here than you can ever imagine, so please keep it coming :) i mean it when I say I couldnt do it without you. A new dawn, a new day. It is always our duty to make the best of it.

Beautiful Chombe Tea estates. Mulanje, Malawi

Awesome secondhand shirt supporting the Buffs! Kasungu, Malawi

Awesome African trees. Kasungu, Malawi