Hardships, hikes, and sewing machines: Yes, I'm still alive

I’m sure you all may be thinking that…. I apologize for it being so long between blog entries. Fortunately the few people who read these are close family/friends thus knowing I haven’t been swallowed by a python or have fallen down the chimbudzi (pit latrine). I wish I could say “I’ve been having so much fun that I haven’t had a chance to blog!” however, unfortunately, that’s not quite the case. Coming to Malawi and beginning blogging, I’ve been resistant to write about my troubles, but alas this is part of my service and it’s silly to pretend it doesn’t exist. So here goes...

When I was a first year volunteer, I heard so many times “The one year mark is the hardest and most challenging.” Having worked through a rough patch this past November, I pretentiously thought that I was in the clear….I was wrong. The last month and a half here has been the hardest part of my service by far, trying my best to refocus myself and continue with my service and projects. In short, the following have been a few of the things I’ve been struggling with: cultural differences weighing on me (such as, “Where do I fit?” “Where does my culture fit into my service?” “Do my morals matter when I have to submit to the culture?” etc.), being the only white person in my village (and the expectations that go along with that), transport being a challenge (it stresses me out), the rising costs of living (food goods, transport, household items), health issues with Peter (I’ll expand later), just to name a few. 

For a moment I digress. Throughout my entire service I’ve imagined my experience here being similar to a roller coaster ride. Some days/weeks/months are amazing, full of exciting experiences and progress. Others can leave me wondering “What’s the point of my being here?” and “Am I making any difference.” As I’ve experienced (and continually tell myself) I have to hang on through the rough times because an awesome thrill is just around the corner. Although the toughest times to remember such things is when it feels like it’s the worst. Even though I’ve been struggling with the above listed things, keeping a clear mind and hopes for better times has felt like a brick wall. It seemed like the good times would never come. If I’m honest, I’m still struggling a little bit being here but I know it will pass and beautiful things are just around the corner.

I struggled (and still do) to figure out where I fit within Malawian culture. Will I ever blend in, be accepted? It became apparent quite quickly to me when I arrived in Bwanje, Ntcheu that I will never fit in simply because of the color of my skin. In general, Malawians expect things from “mazungu” (white people/travelers) in money or goods, and thus despite my effort to live at the village level, the Malawians around me will always see me as being rich.

I also struggled with my morals when it came down to some very sick puppies in my compound who were born with distemper. Briefly, distemper is a virus which can affect any dog, usually passed on through the genes from the mother. My Malawian dog, Chule, was a distemper puppy and suffered from developmental problems. He’s grown out of it, and is doing a great job at terrorizing chickens and goats. The other kind of distemper is neurological, which puppies will not outgrow. They walk around as if they are drunk, have poor vision, struggle to control their legs, and have a hard time grooming themselves (to name a few symptoms that I ones I’ve noticed first hand). When two neurological distemper pups were born in my compound my first thought was that I need to put them down. I spoke with my neighbor and she wouldn’t to allow me to take them because she had promised them to friends. I tried my best to explain that they are very sick and will always have problems. She still refused. 

My first thought was “I don’t care, I’m going to take them to Lilongwe to put them down.” I knew what was best in the long run for these puppies and felt angry that my neighbor couldn’t see how I was trying to help. Instead, she thought I was going to sell the puppies for profit. I struggled with this for a few days, knowing what I wanted to do but not sure that it was the best choice in regards to my relationships with my neighbors. A long conversation with my dad, tears involved, and I came to the conclusion that I must respect Malawian culture first, my morals come second. I had never been faced with that before, and I still didn’t feel settled about it. As it turned out, I had permission to take the female pup (the brother is still around here) and put her to sleep. What a challenging day…yet I knew it was the best for her. 

A good point my dad made was that sometimes people need to see or experience things for themselves to really understand or learn from them. For example, I’ve cooked along side people before but I’d never really understood cooking until I had to do it for myself here. I’m no pro, but I do manage to feed myself :) Toodles, her brother, is still around here and his condition remains the same: not improving. 

Mt. Mulanje

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At the end of May, I had the opportunity for a happy getaway with a friend of mine down south to Mt. Mulanje. I felt like I could breathe and relax, not having to worry about things in the village that were getting to me (lack of vegetable produce, having to start fires for food, etc.). Peter was able to come with and we had a great time hiking and enjoying the scenery. If any of you make it to Malawi, you must go to Mulanje, it’s absolutely stunning. I could not get over how large and beautiful it was! I have hopes and tentative plans to climb it before I leave next year, to look over the landscape of my Malawi and take in all the scenery.

Around this time, Peter had a suspicious lump growing in his cheek. The love I have for this dog makes other people wonder about me, but that’s fine...you’ve gotta shake people up once in a while, right?! I had him neutered the end of April and everything went well. During that time I noticed the growth in his right cheek and took him to the vet to have it removed. Her determination was that it was a tumor… Wait, what?! I was shocked, figuring at just over a year old he was healthy and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything remotely similar for years down the road. Being that there is no way to test animal tissue samples in Malawi, we have yet to determine if it was malignant or benign. 

Peter taking a break. Mt. Mulanje, Malawi

I wanted to do everything possible to help him, realizing without having Peter during my service it would not be the same. The lack of medical testing for him was nothing I could change, which made me feel even more helpless and defeated in the situation. And in all honesty, I considered if his condition got worse if I would ET (Early Terminate) my Peace Corps service and take him home. I can’t imagine being here without Peter (which, yes, is the love I have for him that people think I’m crazy for). A few weeks later and he seems to be in the clear now, although I’m keeping an eye on everything and hoping for the best!

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The beginning of this month Evelyn, my counterpart and best friend in the village, left Bwanje for a few weeks to stay in Blantyre where her family lives. It came as a shock to me, being that she told me after she’d already left… Who else would I talk to for hours on end? Who was I to do the Women’s Group with? I don’t speak enough Chichewa to explain everything and no other woman in the group has showed an interest in leading it. With her absence, I realized how much of a friend she is and how I enjoyed biking in to town and simply sitting and chatting and laughing with her. I’m still waiting for her to return so we can continue our meetings,while in the mean time trying to do what I can with my language barrier and the regular ladies. The show must go on….

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Still in a bit if a slump (mid June), I made some plans to head to some fellow PCVs sites, Tom and Colin, who were in the same group coming into Malawi last year. I always enjoy seeing others volunteers sites because we all do things different and it’s fun to get new ideas for my house, new cooking techniques, and more. I traveled up to Lilongwe two days before I was to head to Kasungu (their boma, or town) having a heck of a time getting a ride due to the dire fuel shortages right now. I waited two hours for a hitch with Peter, feeling relieved once I was picked up and on my way. About 45 minutes into the ride, while driving through a market area, a drunk guy crossed in the road and when we honked the horn he ran in front of the car, hitting him. I was mortified! We turned back around to find him with a severely broken leg and took him immediately to the hospital, about 5km back down the road.

I’ve only heard of such things happening, never actually being in the car to experiencing it. A big problem here is that market areas (selling food, clothing, etc.) are often times built right along the road/highway and stays busy with buyers and sellers. More often than not you will watch people walk into the road without looking either direction to see if a vehicle is coming. Not only people, but goats, dogs, chickens, cows and more don’t respect the road as they should with cars coming down at 100km/hr or more. It is horrifying hitting a person and not knowing if they are going to be okay. When we arrived at the hospital he appeared incoherent but still alive. I’m not sure what has happened with him, as I had to move on my way to get to Lilongwe to prevent getting wrapped up with the police here or getting caught traveling after dark (which is even more of a hazard).

Unable to hitch I settled for a minibus. I was on the verge of tears, not sure how to handle myself after having seen a man get hit and wanting nothing more to be in Lilongwe and off public transport. If you’ve read any of my other blogs, minibuses are definitely not my favored mode of transport. But sitting at 2pm, I had to get to the city as quick as possible before sunset. So I piled in the front seat to share with another guy there, my bag between my legs and Peter (20kg+) on my lap. I’m so happy that he’s very relaxed in cars! A friend offered to pick me up in Dedza, about half way between where I got on the minibus (Ntcheu boma) and Lilongwe, and I felt so relieved. But icing on the cake, as we neared Dedza, was hitting a baby goat that didn’t make it across the road in time while following mama. All I could think was “are you KIDDING ME?!” I had hit my limit with public transport, never wanting to go anywhere again….except, of course, to see Tom and Colin in the following days. Peace Corps would be too easy with a car.

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Colin in Kasungu, Malawi

Visiting Colin’s site and then Tom’s a few days later was a great time. I froze my toes off, though, not at all prepared for the cold weather at their homes. Hard to believe, being that hot season I can’t stop sweating...or complaining for that matter. I learned new ways to cook soya pieces, restored my faith in Royco (a seasoning you can use to make a stew-type of meal), and how to make a cream curry sauce (a-mazing!). It was a blast to catch up with friends and to see them at work in their villages.

Colin and Tom, in front of Tom's house

I went back to Lilongwe with a cold virus in tow. It didn’t seem like anything profound, just one of those you can’t shake. But the few days in Lilongwe gave me a chance to catch up on things, making more plans as well as checking out places for when my parents come to visit in September (WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!). Having Peter there as well made it harder for me to leave, knowing I had everything I really wanted there…. It’s hard to leave electricity and running water as well!

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Remember how I used the roller coaster analogy? Well, in the last few weeks I’ve wondered if my roller coaster is just coming to a stop and wont peak again. But all  of this manages to prove me wrong eventually. With the suggestion and help of a friend, I now have a sewing machine at my house! No, I don’t have electricity. It’s an old school pedal machine that I never, ever imagined myself working on. Fortunately I grew up learning on an old Singer (thanks mom!) so I was somewhat familiar with the new-old machine. After getting it calibrated, oiled, bolts tightened….I was off like a maniac! I’m happy to have had the opportunity to experience hand sewing to appreciate the amount of time it takes to create something, but I couldn’t be happier to have a machine in my own house! Already I’ve made a table runner, six placemats, and a bandana, with many more to come including quilts. I’ve made a deal with myself to complete the current quilt I’m on by hand, and then I’ll pick up the pace with the machine. What a joy and permanent grin I have on my face :)

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Current quilt that is all hand sewn

I know the new sewing machine will not fix things in my service, but it’s the simple joys one must take with a whole shaker of salt here. I have 9 months left of my service and I must make the best of it. In the works I have a dental hygiene trainging for the month of October (keep sending those toothbrushes my way!), continued work with my Women’s Group, an HIV/AIDS Youth Awareness Day in Ntcheu boma, and prospects of volunteering at my local health clinic.

I don’t know how this thing called life is supposed to go, or how to fix things when they go wrong. I simply have to take it day by day. My recently found interest/passion in yoga keeps me busy and strong, while encouraging my personal journey with myself as an added bonus. I’m so grateful to have this time in my life to experience another culture, live in another country, and be able to nurture my personal growth in relation to all of it. I will never be the same, now or any time in life, but especially from having the opportunity to experience Malawi with all it’s many faces.

I will keep my head high, my fingers away from the pounding needle, and my efforts moving forward for change. All of your unconditional support does more for me here than you can ever imagine, so please keep it coming :) i mean it when I say I couldnt do it without you. A new dawn, a new day. It is always our duty to make the best of it.

Beautiful Chombe Tea estates. Mulanje, Malawi

Awesome secondhand shirt supporting the Buffs! Kasungu, Malawi

Awesome African trees. Kasungu, Malawi

Hard Lesson Learned

While in high school I developed a unique soft spot for animals. I felt more passionate about animal rights compared to human rights simply based on the fact that animals don’t have a voice - they can’t tell us when things are wrong or when they need help. Coming to Malawi and seeing how animals are treated initially struck me as very sad and I had a strong desire to do whatever I could to help them. Quickly I learned that majority of animals here (cows, goats, chickens, ducks, pigs, and the like) are all used for sustenance for Malawians. That knowledge didn’t prevent me from crying during my training when 11 of us slaughtered a chicken as part of a learning how prepare for cooking. I’ve grown a lot since then and seeing a goat or pig carcass in the market don’t phase me anymore.

Fortunately, dog is never on the menu. Instead, dogs are used as a means of protection or security at peoples houses, meant to be a warning for when people or other animals are approaching the house. Even still dogs here are not treated with the same amount of respect as Americans give them. Rocks are thrown at them as a means of teaching methods to stay away from people or eating things (same goes for goats and pigs). I don’t agree with it, obviously, but Malawians have been doing it for years and who am I to come in and try to change their minds?

As I’m sure many of you have been able to gather (based on all my chit chat about Peter and other pups around the house), I am a huge animal lover. I live in a compound area where three dogs (two female, one male) were living before my arrival. In the time that I’ve been here I’ve had the privilege of witnessing four litters of puppies, amounting to a total of 16 pups, 13 of which I assume are around Bwanje. Dogs are not fed like a part of the family here, often times leading to severe malnutrition of the mothers and often times resulting in an unhealthy litter. 

I’ve become quite familiar with something called distemper, a virus passed from mother to pup or between dogs which is (fortunately) not very common the the states. I’ve seen two degrees of distemper, one being a slow growth process for the dog and other being neurological damage. My pup Chule (choo-lay, or “frog” in Chichewa), had the developmental form of distemper, making for a long growing up process but otherwise he has matured successfully. I’ve seen one other dog with that level of the condition, and gave him to my counterpart for a good home. Currently, there are two neurological distemper puppies around my house which is where the hard lesson as been learned.

I’ve realized quickly that these two puppies, Toodles and Wendy (I’m on some sort of Peter Pan/Hook naming kick I think), that there will always be a form of retardation that they will not outgrow. In the states this might be less of an issue, but in a culture where throwing rocks at dogs is acceptable these dogs will not survive. The problem is they can’t learn, their brains do not function in a way that they understand “punishment” or “training” by rocks. Unfortunately, from my inexpert option, I don’t feel they will ever outgrow it and there is no means of fixing it.

My choice for Toodles and Wendy is to euthanize them. It’s most humane, being that the 1) the life set out for them unarguably will include incomprehensible cruelty, and 2) the puppies that they will undoubtedly have some day will likely have the same condition. Bringing this up to my neighbor, who has promised Toodles to a friend, she said no, that I could not take the dog. Even after explanation (multiple times) of the disease she thinks that I want to sell the dogs to make a profit. This upset me to no end being that, obviously, I’m not at all trying to make a profit, but rather doing what I think is in the best interest of the dogs. At the time I basically said “Well, I don’t care, I’m taking it anyways” knowing that the pup will be better off.

I felt angry and upset that my neighbor could not see the good that I was trying to do for this dog, only able to think that I have some ulterior motive with the puppy. I felt a huge conflict within me realizing my morals were going against the Malawian culture, so what was I to do?  Multiple journal entries later and a long conversation with my parents, I began to see it all a different way.

I came to Malawi to learn about a culture, not to change it. All that Malawians have seen of white people are how we come in and change things, encourage what we think are better ways of doing things (case in point, my garden), and more. It would be blatantly wrong of me to take the puppy without my neighbors consent, potentially causing a lot of problems being that she considers it property. But simply put, this is not my culture so who am I to come in here and do things my way? There are certain times where culture wins out over morals, and this situation is a prime example.

It is a tough thing to bite your own pride and knowingly turn over the reins when all you want to do is the right thing. It’s challenging to sit back and do nothing in a situation where you know you can make a difference. But that’s what I came here for, right? To learn about another culture, to leave mine behind and adopt a new one? It’s not easy when it comes with many hardships and tears. I strive to approach all situations as a learning experience, seeing what I can take away from it and how I might do differently next time. It’s not always easy, especially when the learning can push you beyond your comfort zone into sadness and heartbreak. But when we keep our hearts open to such things, they change who we are, and most always for the positive.

Lessons Learned

Of the many things I’ve learned being in Peace Corps Malawi a new one added to the list is humility. I used to think this was a negative atribute, being that I saw it as a person not possessing a certan degree of confidence. Instead, I’ve now come to see it as an element of confidence in the sense of being able to admit you are wrong.

All of you know about my garden and how much pride and sweat I poured into double digging, shaping the beds, surrounding it with a fence, planting seeds, replanting (and, in some cases, replanting again…). I desired so strongly to have a bumper crop that I could be proud of and call my own (being that the likelyhood of doing such a thing back in the states would be slim to none). I say that, keeping in mind, how we as Americans generally prefer landscaping to large gardens but also the lack of time, in general, most of us have for such activities.

The rainy season was a weird one this year, having the first rains only to be followed up by a dry spell, then hit with rain again. I can’t figure out if it was the timing of my planting or the seeds that I planted, but things were not growing how other peopls crops were around my house. The book I’d followed as a guide for shaping planter beds left out an important step in how to prevent soil erosion - that, or else I was too quick to read it without considering what the water would do. I’ll let you take a guess ;)

As the rains came, the beds started washing away (as my counterpart predicted when he came to my house and said “You did it wrong.”) and with the water the seeds (I’m assuming) slid did as well. I nursed the heck out of the tomato plants, staking them up in hopes they would soon resemble bright Christmas trees, ornaments substituted for juicy tomatoes. I was so desperate for sweet corn, remembering fond memories of cool summer evenings with my family and how the sweet kernels tasted as they popped in my mouth while we enjoyed dinner on the patio. I adored my four rows of carrots, wanting my grandfather to be proud of me, and hoping they might taste like his. Pumpkin, the only veggie I was indiferent about, grew whether or not I wanted it to, taking over the garden and growing through the fence and up the kitchen roof.

Let’s just say there was no bumper crop. Maybe I was distracted and missed it. Maybe it never showed up at all. But, as with everything in life, we must assess and see where a lesson can be learned. I accepted that, indeed, Malawians know how best to do certain things. They may not be able to make the best village cake in the Bwanje Valley, but sure enough they know a thing or two about gardening and raising successful crops. I have proudly clapped my hands (a sign of respect) to Malawians while understanding that a book cannot teach you how it’s done - instead, you must live it to understand what works and what doesn’t.

Today, with some hired help, we tore down the fence, discarding of the dried skeletans of tomato plants and corn stalks. The first objective was to dospose of the snake houses that undoubtably are there. The second paving the way for a new planting season come this next year where I will hire a Malawian and utilize their skills in doing one of the many things they do best (next to cooking delicious nsima and eggs!)

Humility allows us to accept we are wrong. I feel this trait is as equally important as composure, sometimes more. How often have you learned more from doing something than being told how to do it? Sometimes I feel that is the best way. However, if someone tells you not to jump off a bridge just take their word for it...not all lessons need to be learned the hard way! This was my time to learn, my time to try out a new way of gardening. I truly had a wonderful experience, the good with the bad, but next season will let the professionals take over!

"Give me my toothbrush!"

....which is what I wish the little kids here would ask me. Instead, they say "give me my money!" The "my" is not a typo; they do, indeed, ask you to give them their money...

Embarking on my second year of Peace Corps, I’m formulating ideas of projects I would like to do or work with. It’s a tough balance, though, determining what is best for the village and what they want to do compared to introducing new things that myself as a volunteer feels would highly benefit the community as a whole. For example, dental hygiene is not highly valued in the village, not necessarily because people don’t care but rather because generally they are not taught proper techniques. This is a much larger problem than one might imagine. Commonly, those in the village without proper dental hygiene often times suffer from conditions such as abscessed teeth without access to proper treatment to loss of teeth making it difficult to eat.

Therefore, I am proposing and formulating a project for this fall and I need your help! October is National Dental Hygiene Month in America and I want to celebrate it here in Malawi as well. I plan on conducting training’s on proper usage of toothbrushes and toothpaste to people in my village of Bwanje as well as surrounding area. I am requesting the following:

Toothbrushes - inexpensive samples (that you have collected from your twice yearly trip to the dentist, no doubt!) or ones purchased

Toothpaste - sample tubes of any flavor (please exclude packaging, please!) 

You might be asking “What about floss?” I think it would be great to teach flossing techniques as well, but the longevity of flossing is something I don’t foresee. First being that you cannot buy floss in the village, and second that the floss will likely be used for children's enjoyment instead. But if you would still like to send some, you are most welcome!

One question we as Peace Corps Volunteers must ask ourselves while brainstorming ideas is, “Is this project sustainable?” The answer is yes! Toothbrushes and toothpaste can be purchased in my village but can be a financial stretch for some people. My hope is that if I can show Malawians the importance and benefits of proper hygiene while giving them a toothbrush to start with, they will be more willing to continue good practices. In addition I wanted to have a project that includes the opportunity for all of you, my friends and family, to contribute.

Being that the Malawi postal service can be extremely slow, I am requesting packages to be mailed from America by July 15th, 2011 at the latest. Please know that I cannot be successful with this project without all of you back home, and any contribution you have will be so much appreciated. Even if you only have two toothbrushes to send, that is two more than I have now! My goal is 1000 toothbrushes and the equivalent of toothpaste samples. Help me to achieve this and possibly surpass it! Please ask your local dentist to participate as well! Below I will include a formal letter for you to give to them explaining my project

All donations can be sent to:

Mary Kuhlke

℅ BERDO

PO Box 4

Bwanje, Ntcheu

Malawi

AFRICA

Thank you all in advance for contributing to the education of proper dental hygiene practices! All the best!

Please click this link for a formal letter. Thank you!

This is a girl in my village who cracks me up
but is also in serious need of a toothbrush!

Kuno ku....DEUTSCHLAND!

Sometime in mid January I mentally decided I needed a vacation...to Germany. A little background information might make help you to understand why Germany and not the United States for a break…

My mother transfered airline bases in summer of 2009. Having applied to Peace Corps in June and still waiting for a hopeful reply in the fall, I decided September was a good time to depart from the states on a 5 month travel excursion around Europe and South East Asia. In a nutshell, I had a blast! I stayed at mom’s apartment in Wiesbaden between travels to places such as France, Croatia, and Thailand while enjoying the time to spend with her as well. 

I experienced so much in those 5 months that it’s almost hard to imagine much of my life as I know it existing before then. It was an amazing time for my self development and preparation for coming to Peace Corps. I had to be perfectly sure I could live with myself ;) In that time, I formed such a connection to Frankfurt, Wiesbaden, and Mainz that even at the beginning of my service in Malawi I said to myself “I would take a vacation to Germany instead of the United States if I went anywhere during my service.”

Also, I’d be lying to say I simply wanted a break from Malawi and happened on choosing Germany. I met Leo on a train while traveling back from Oktoberfest in München with my brother Scott, and had the pleasure of enjoying his company and train rides together for over a month around the holidays. It felt about right to catch up again and see if those train rides were the same again. Thus, I purchased a ticket the end of January, only a month and a half later to hop on a train and live another adventure.

I had fantasized about what it would feel like to leave Malawi some day. Having not planned a trip outside of the country and it being more spontaneous, I hadn’t figured I would experience it until I COS’d (Close of Service) in 2012. The reverse culture shock, being able to eat all the foods I had dreamt about (or imagined my cooking creations tasted like), having long hot showers, riding transport that didn’t feel like it was falling apart...to name a few of the things I’d dreamt about. Having heard stories of other PCVs visiting home and coming back, my mind began to wander about what I was soon to experience on my own.

Flight over Malawi

It hadn’t quite dawned on me until heading to the airport that it had been over a year since I’d traveled on a plane. To most people this wouldn’t seem to odd, but having grown up the child of a flight attendant, it’s rare to go that long without venturing out. It was quite weird, honestly, how it didn’t feel weird at all to be hopping on a plane bound for a destination beyond the equator.

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Well, first to say I was immediately overwhelmed with the pace of everything and the visual stimulation of photos, shops, and people. I walk quite fast for Malawi and thus arriving in Germany I was surprised to feel how fast everything was moving. Also, it probably didn’t help that there were 100 different things I wanted to look at while I was walking! Knowing that my beloved Ditsch pretzels and Ritter Sport chocolates were in close proximity made it hard to focus on much more than strolling forward.

I was greeted by Leo at the airport (what a trooper for arriving to meet my 5am flight!) and we headed down to the trains. All the emotions and feelings came rushing back as I was taking the same steps I did over a year ago when I returned from each of my adventures around Europe. I even had to stop at one point while walking down the stairs to the trains because I couldn’t believe I had actually arrived. Germany didn’t seem that foreign to me at that point, or rather as much as I had anticipated it would feel foreign. It was an odd feeling, for sure, to feel at home as if things simply fell into place and had never changed.

The first thing Leo bought for me was a Ditsch pretzel (or as I’m always corrected, brezel) which was better than I could have ever imagined! We arrived when hot ones were right out of the oven, which quite literally melt in your mouth. They were so good I had do the whole thing where you shut your eyes and savor every single flavor that slides to your belly. I can only imagine how much fun Leo had over the next few weeks watching me as I took bites of food I hadn’t tasted in over a year!

Following much deserved nap after over 17 hour of travel, we mustered up the strength to head to the grocery store. Our walk to the store brought back delightful memories and flashbacks of the year before. As we approached the sliding doors (whaaaat?! They open automatically?!) I mentally prepared myself for the stupendous options of things I was soon to embark on. I have to say, Leo was awesome in helping me live the fantasies I had of what it would be like to go into a grocery store after a years absence. His words were continually “get whatever you want!” which seems easy except when you have no idea what you want...

First stop: beer. I almost stop in my tracks in shock at the cases upon cases of beer before me. To let you know, we have about four bottles of beers for options in Malawi therefore you pick a favorite and order it 9 times out of 10. The other one time, you order one you’re not used to just so that you can try and “mix things up.” When Leo asks me to choose some beer my immediate response was something like “No, no, you’re going to have to choose or I might start crying!” 

It sounds silly but I really did have to slow myself down and take a few breaths. There were so many things I wanted to look at, touch, smell, buy...that my brain was popping out in every direction. I had heard stories of people crying in stores and having to leave and I was determined not to be one of those. As I approached the shampoo isle, it felt like everything around me fell away and all my focus turned to the colors of the bottles and the anticipation of smelling the shampoo I so longed for. Yes, sounds funny, but you wouldn’t be laughing if you knew the only shampoo I can afford in Malawi! I simply looked for the one I used to buy, and then moved on to conditioner. Not only was I overwhelmed with all the options, but I couldn’t read in German what sort of treatment each was good for. Leo came over to help me out but it wasn’t until I got home I realized I’d picked up two shampoos and no conditioner…that overwhelmed, yep!

The rest of the food decisions went much the same way. Brie was the only cheese I could think of I wanted to eat, and when it came to crackers to eat it with I had to turn things over to Leo. Special yogurts were the only thing besides chocolate that I could remember, so those went in the basket. So many options, packaging, and flavors that I could not for the life of me remember what I used to like. When all you have to choose are basically between crackers and no crackers, your brain forgets what you like. In the end it went well, and I left the store without having shed a tear. Mission accomplished!

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I had the pleasure of being able to enjoy the company of my parents on this vacation as well. Dad came out a couple of days after I’d arrived to Germany and we spent the day together, catching up and chatting about some of my crazy experiences as well as ideas post Peace Corps. It was such a wonderful day, one that almost seemed surreal since we had only had phone calls and a few Skype dates since I leave the US. It felt the same to be around him, as he hadn’t changed much in ways I subconsciously anticipated. But I had to pinch myself every once in a while because it didn’t seem completely real. We enjoyed delicious German bratwurst for lunch, having a lovely time strolling around Frankfurt and simply reveling in each others company.

My mother came in the following day and it was amazing to see her as well. It is funny how you grow out of the stages of adolescence to further appreciate your parents. Sounds like a “simple stupid” concept, but it’s great when things feel much easier with your parents and you’re not fighting to prove that you’re smarter ;) We spent the day a museum in Frankfurt, the most education stimulation I’d experienced in over a year and it was fantastic! I also began to realize how much I was missing color. In Malawi, women wear a chitenje (2 meters of fabric) on a daily basis and they are made full of colors and designs beyond ones imagination. I had become so used to seeing this that the neutral tones of clothing made me long for the ever changing eye candy of Malawi. It doesn’t help, either, that it is nearing the end of rainy season and everything is so green compared to the winter months of Germany.

Lunch! Currywurst and fries.

Having returned to a place where I had met many people I’d so much enjoyed, I wanted to have a dinner that night bringing them all together to enjoy the  company. Prior to meeting them, the three of us strolled around Wiesbaden for an hour or so, reliving the memories I’d had there. It is a weird experience to have everything appear the same but you being the one that has changed in relation to it. I began to see things different, see people different, in a way I hadn’t expected. It felt so nice not to be gawked at, as so often happens to me in Malawi. I also couldn’t help but think of the time and money spent on construction of trains, stations, buildings, cars, etc. when people in Malawi have so little. All the perks of a developed country is all I can say! Before dinner, I was on a bit of a mission to find some earrings to take back to Malawi. When I couldn’t find the shop when I was so sure I knew the location, I literally wanted to throw my hands up and start crying! Overwhelming experiences were far from over… (I did find some earrings by the way :))

Anna, Gaby, Guillermo, and Leo met my parents and me in Wiesbaden, where mom used to live. With Gaby’s suggestion, we enjoyed each others company at a place called Scotch and Soda, where the owner throws money at the ceiling where after it mysteriously sticks. Couldn’t help but contribute some Malawian Kwacha to the cause! What a delightful time it was to share with people I had missed! With beers ordered around the table (and enjoying mine more than I could have ever imagined!), it came time to order. I settled on the schnitzel, only to be bombarded with options from the waitress. “What kind of meat? Any sauce? How would you like your potatoes?” I’d hit my limit by that point and thus had to turn things over to Leo to finish ordering. Needless to say, it was absolutely delicious and I wish I could have finished it all, but my stomach was working its hardest on digesting all the delicious flavor!

The crew! Guillermo, Dad,
 Gaby, Me, Leo, Mom, Anna

I brought along my computer and shared photos and videos of my life in Malawi. I felt such joy to be sharing it with people outside of Peace Corps, feeling as though they were learning more about the culture without even having to travel there. And being able to show people my life for the last year was a really fun experience too. I would lie to say that during that time I didn’t feel a little bit homesick for Malawi and my beloved dogs. They are almost like my children and whenever I’m away I miss them a lot.

It’s inevitable that all good things must come to an end, as dinner eventually would. Catching up with dear friends was such a pleasure and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. It was as if I had a welcome back party, even it if was just vacation. I slept like a brick that night at the hotel with my parents, not realizing how exhausting everything had become! 

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Leo’s birthday was the 19th of March and we enjoyed a low key day followed by an evening at a bar we used to go to, The Cat. It hit me again how most everything stays the same but so much in relation to it changes. We had a great time enjoying a familiar atmosphere and celebrating another year older for him :)

In further celebration, we traveled to Leo’s dad’s house the following day to have lunch with Siggy (his stepmom), Philip (his brother), Johanna (Philip’s girlfriend), and the two young boys, Etienne and Nicolas. His father was caught up with some things at work and was unable to join us. Riding the train didn’t get old nor did having things running on time! You never know in Malawi….actually, you do. You’re most often pretty sure that everything will be late! It was so nice to be able to travel out of the city a bit and see the country side on our way to Darmstadt. It was also such a pleasure to see Siggy, Philip, and Etienne again and a joy to meet Nicolas and Johanna for the first time.

Delicious steak lunch with salad and vegetables made for yet another party in my mouth! My stomach was still adjusting to all the food by this time. Seeing that my diet more regularly consists of tomatoes, starch, and eggs or beans, everything else going in was so exciting! Preparing lunch was also a time where it dawned on my how simple thing are in developed countries. Running water, electric stoves, grocery store down the road, refrigerator…. All the amenities that one takes for granted was almost overwhelming for me. Of course I hadn’t forgotten where I’d come from nor did it take long to fall back into the ease of using such things, but it was just a weird concept to have it so easily available. Having matching dishes and silverware was a bit odd as well!

Leo, me, Etienne, Johanna, Philip, Nicolas

Seeing that Leo’s family speaks German, I was a bit out of the loop during discussions not in English. In Malawi, I have done my best to learn the local language of my area, Chichewa, but I’m by no means a pro. Thus, I tend to zone out sometimes when I’m not catching on to conversations and tend to go into my own little world of thoughts to pass the time. Of course his family did their best speaking English, but the times they spoke Germany I felt just fine. It didn’t feel weird nor uncomfortable for me. It gave me some time to reflect on all the newness around me!

The day was so much fun and we left with bellies full of delicious food and two slices of cake :) By this point I was almost forcing my stomach to keep up with my desires! More to come with over a week left of vacation :)

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By Monday, 5 days after I had arrived, I was starving for some solo time. Since I had arrived in Germany I hadn’t stopped going places and meeting people. It had been such a great few days, but I’ll be honest to say I was not used to talking with people so much nor having so much “business” around me. With Leo off to work for the day I declared it a personal day. By this, I spent the whole day in my pajamas and bouncing around the apartment while catching up on my new favorite TV show, Glee, and watching random youtube.com videos and making myself laught. I also munched on some of my favorite chocolate my mom brought from the states, having not eaten much more than that and yogurt during the day. Yes, I could have gone down to the corner bakery (without having to lift a finger to cook!) but I simply could not part from my pajamas! It was so much needed and helped me to regroup myself for the still busy week that was to come.

I did, however, manage to pull myself out of pajamas and enjoy a hot shower without having to go to the well to draw water. It didn’t hurt that there was some incentive for Chinese food after meeting Leo at the train station when he was done from work. That feast was absolutely amazing, and well worth pulling out of my pajamas :D It was another one of those meals where I would stop half chew and try my hardest to tattoo the delicious flavors on my brain. 

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The following day I began getting sick...booo! It happens to me on a more regular basis than I would like to admit, but what can you do. My assumption was that the change in hot weather to cold shocked my sinuses quite a bit. That, or all the food really was going to my brain ;) Either way, I wasn’t going to let a little cold dampen my spirits. I wanted to catch up with an old friend of mine I hadn’t seen in about 7 years, Christine. She traveled from her home town to Frankfurt and we spent the day walking around and enjoying the sunshine. I enjoy meeting up with long time friends because you realize how much time as passed and learn to appreciate those memories much more. 

Me and Christine

We had a wonderful time as we strolled around and stopped to enjoy some Italian food. Surprisingly it wasn’t difficult for me to decide on a tomato, mozzarella, and basil pizza which was everything I could have imagined! I was beginning to really realize how much comfort I had given up by choosing Peace Corps. Being able to dry my hair, put on make up, dress up, and meet a friend was something I fell back into quickly and that I realized quite quick I missed. In the village there is none of that. Experiencing both sides have helped me appreciate the simplicity as well as complexity of both sides of cultures. It really has given me a different perspective of the privilege in which I grew up.

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The following days Leo had off of work so we bounced around and chilled out. My cold hit me the worst the day after seeing Christine but it didn’t stop me from enjoying McDonalds followed by real, delicious ice cream! Malawi has neither of these so I did the best I could by putting up with eating it ;) Between rides on Josy (his 1971 East German Simon Schwalbe moped) and eating foods such as sushi and bratwurst, we had a delightful time enjoying the improving weather. I really enjoyed feeling the colder weather, since Malawi’s cold season only gets down to somewhere in the 40s. Wearing jackets and jeans again were so much fun!

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Seeing that Leo’s dad could not join us for lunch over the weekend, we caught up with him for lunch that Friday at the same Chinese restaurant where we enjoyed our huge feast a few days prior. His father is from Texas and thus speaking english all during lunch was great :) Leo talked about his plans for traveling that will begin once his internship is finished in June. It was fun to see from a different perspective of a father in so much support of his son to travel. Knowing how much it has first handedly changed my life, I’m thrilled for Leo to be able to experience this soon and be living the dirty life of intermittent showers ;)

I shared what I am doing in Peace Corps, the projects I’ve completed and working on as well as the plans I have for the rest of my service. The inevitable question that I am always asked is “What are your plans after Peace Corps?” It’s the million dollar question, I always tell people. My options range anywhere from becoming a flight attendant, to owning a sewing shop, to going back to school. However, school isn’t much of an option if you don’t know what you want to study… But one thing that his father said during lunch was “Figure out what you are really good at and then work in that direction for a career.” In the past I’d thrown around the idea of becoming a Dental Lab Technician, where I would be creating teeth for those who, well, obviously need them :) His comment has helped me to search more into that possibility and thus we’ll see where it goes. It’s nice to feel like at least there is some sort of direction in my brain for the end of Peace Corps!

Following lunch, Leo and I found ourselves in a car with a guy heading somewhere towards the Dutch boarder, a place called Ramsdorf. Okay, fine….we’d arranged a ride out there to visit his mom and stepdad for the weekend so it wasn’t by pure accident. I had never met them before, but was so much looking forward to it as well as having a break from the city and going out to the country where I anticipated feeling more at home. It was nice to sit back in the car and put on some music and zone out for a little bit. I thought of back home, Malawi, and things I missed. My dogs and Malawian family were at the top of the list, with the heat resting at an easy last.

It was about a three to four our trip and were welcomed by great hugs and greetings from Heike (Leo’s mother) and Hansi (his stepdad) once we arrived. I’d felt like I’d arrived home with the great hospitality! I can safely say that by this point in my travel I was feeling much more adjusted to Germany, the perks going along with a developed country, and of course the food. Good thing, because I was in for a lot of it for the next few days! I’ll be honest to say I wasn’t entirely sure how long it would take me to readjust, or if I would in such a short two week period. But I sure was happy to have my stomach catch up with my appetite!

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Over the next few days I had the pleasure of spending time with Heike and Hansi, and all the food that came along with it. I don’t think there was a time when I was actually hungry, but I couldn’t have asked for anything more :) Breakfast consisted of chunks of brie cheese placed over salted butter on delicious German bread rolls, accompanied by blood orange juice and a seemingly endless supply of bubbly water. Had I arrived in heaven?! 

Being that Ramsdorf is so close to the Dutch border (about 15km!), we cruised over for a walk around their weekly market. It felt great to be driving through the country side and feeling like I could finally breath. The city was so hectic for me that I really enjoyed slowing down a little bit. The market was overwhelming with so many things to look at with desires to buy. The cheese stand was quite possibly my favorite, as I could sample practically any cheese available. Woah, would my friends back in Malawi be jealous! We talk all the time about missing cheese and having huge blocks of it at my disposal was almost cruel…except it all tasted delicious. Next was the olive stand where the man kept giving out samples. Since Leo was full (and I would have kicked myself later had I not accepted all the *free* samples) I picked up the slack and munched away. Still, at this point, I wasn’t hungry, but based on principle I could not turn away any food!

We picked up some fresh fish to grill that evening for dinner while very much enjoying some fried fish with a sort of tartar sauce. My taste buds were still going crazy, and soaking everything up! I wished I could share the excess with my friends in Malawi, but too bad for them... To warm up a little, we headed in a cafe for some coffee and hot chocolate. I couldn’t help but think about the instant coffee with powdered milk I drink back in Malawi compared to fresh brewed, with real cream and sugar. Oh, luxuries! I enjoyed every minute of it all. I truly was being spoiled!

After buying some dog treats for my pups back in Malawi and stopping in an antique shop where I bought a ring shaped as a snake (in honor of my close calls, of course), we headed back to the house. A relaxing afternoon watching one of my favorite movies, Into the Wild (which inspired my blog title), and munching on yet moooore cheese and olives sat for a good relaxed afternoon. I enjoyed being able to feel normal for a little bit, enjoying such luxuries I have grown up with. I tried enjoying them as much as possible, knowing that in less than a week I would be back in Malawi with no access to such things.

The grilled fish was absolutely amazing and made me wonder if I could recreate anything similar to it with our “fresh” fish at the weekly market. Who knows, I may surprise myself by trying it out, but in the same breath may never want to eat fish again if it turns out poorly! We all ate until we couldn’t move and then enjoyed a game of Parcheesi (which always seemed to last longer than anticipated) followed by a game of Settlers of Catan, one that I enjoy playing with friends in Malawi. I’ve won a single game, and it was the first time I played. Ever since then I’ve pretty well come in last, and have yet to figure out why…

Heike cooking delicious food!

Sunday was a relaxing day with a breakfast for kings! I’m not sure that I came down from Cloud 9 all weekend…. Real butter, Nutella, cheese, jams, eggs, everything I could have imagined. Now, some of you might be saying “Mary, get over all the food stuff already!” Maybe you’d understand more if you only had access to a small selection of veggies and had to cook all of your own meals. Definitely puts a twist on things. Come and visit if you want to find out...

With an afternoon free before we had to head back to Mainz, Leo and I borrowed his mothers car and headed out for a drive. Oh, it was a convertible :) which added even more to the novelty of cruising around! We crossed into the Netherlands and had such a fun time driving while enjoying the landscape and sporadic windmills.

With our last meal of lamb with pasta and veggies settled in our bellies, we said our goodbyes and spoke of our hopes to see again sometime in the future. Who knows, maybe the German country side holds some luster for me in the future. Leo and I had a chance to chat in the back about travels and adventures, which brought back to light where I was back in 2009. I couldn’t believe it had been that long since I’d traveled Europe and reflecting on those times were bittersweet. It almost makes me wish I could have that time back! But I’m on quite another adventure with Peace Corps right now which is an absolute joy.

We arrived in Mainz after 11pm and were ready for some rest. I couldn’t figure out if it was the length of the trip or the food coma I was in from the constant consumption over the weekend. I could feel my jeans were a bit more snug but I knew in less than a week I would be wishing I had eaten more. My trip was slowly coming to an end and I know i only had a short time to make more buttons pop ;)

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I had the pleasure of enjoying a day with my mother when she arrived in Frankfurt the next morning on a layover. Oh, the benefits of the airlines! Before we knew it we had sandwiches and coffee in hand, sitting on a train bound for Würzburg. We thought getting out of the city would be a nice break while having plenty of time to catch up, again :)

Not having realized it, I had traveled to Würzburg on my first trip to Germany, back in 1998 or so. It is a place for our family that will be forever known as where Stephen mooned us right under an archway. So in honor, I saluted him while I was there! The walk up to the castle was more exhausting than I thought it would be, making me realize how out of shape I had become with all the food and lack of my regular exersize in Malawi. Who cares, life is to be enjoyed right?!

Mom and me in Würzburg 

We found a great spot to sit on top of the stone wall overlooking the city, and talked for what seemed like hours. I spoke mostly about my growing thoughts of a possible career in Dentistry when I’m finished with Peace Corps. It makes me chuckle to reflect back on being a child and declaring “I would never be a dentist! I would hate to stare into people’s mouths all day!” Oh, times do change! However I would modify that with working in a lab by creating teeth to then send off to the dental offices, thus truly not really staring into people’s mouths all day ;) It feels good to sense I have a bit more direction now for once I’m finished with Peace Corps. I’m not sure yet if dental school is the next step for sure, but it feels good to at least have my hamsters upstairs turning the wheels to direct me in opportunities.

It was such fun to spend the day with my mom, munching on apple tarts and enjoying asian noodles with a tall beer. As I’ve grown older (or grown up, as my mother would probably say), she has become more of a friend than a parent to me. It’s an amazing feeling to be able to bounce ideas off of a parent and yet feel a complete understanding and acceptance for who you happen to be at the time. I can only imagine what it is like to watch a child grow up, seeing the joys along with the sadness on a regular basis. But she and my father have been troopers along with my shenanigans of growing up and I couldn’t thank them more for not giving up on me.

Salute!

A tearful goodbye to mom a I caught the train back to Mainz left a feeling inside that this delightful vacation was quickly coming to a close. The next reunion with them will take place in September, when they come out to see my life in Malawi and as we continue to travel to Botswana, Zambia, and Zimbabwe for the safari of a lifetime! 

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My last day in Mainz was bittersweet. I’d enjoyed all my time in Germany, seeing my parents, friends, spending time with Leo, and eating as much food as possible. I woke up with the attitude of enjoying the entire day and not getting sad about catching my 11:15 flight that evening. After all, you can’t stop time nor make it go faster, so why not just enjoy it while it’s there?

A barbeque was decided on for my last big hoorah in Germany. All I wanted was a huge bratwurst with mustard and beer, so off we went to the store! A few last rides on Josy with the wind at my face was a pleasure. When you only have bike taxis as the closest thing to relate to a moped, it helps you to really enjoy it. We picked up some food goodies which included chocolate to stash in my bag for my future enjoyment as well as brie cheese and crackers (which was a much easier choice this time around!) :) 

Yum yum bbq!

With Basti (Leo’s roommate) and Johannes (friend) around, we barbecued away and stuffed ourselves. I couldn’t pass up mozzarella, tomato, basil salad either! Down to the Rhine River to join up with some other friends having a barbecue (of course, ours was better) followed by gently placing ice cream on top of the bratwurst in my belly. Last chance for most everything delicious, so I was doing my best to shove it in my stomach. Again I was reminded how easy things are in a developed country, in buying packaged meats while not having to slaughter the animal or to buying bread in packages ready to bake. 

It didn’t quite hit me until I was checking my bag (fully of goodies that expanded over my backpack) that I was leaving to go back to Malawi. I’ve always managed to give myself a hard time when leaving Germany with my baggage and this was no different. I survived checking the bag before the tears started to come and having to say goodbye to Leo. It’s never easy leaving someone and a place you feel connected with when you’re not quite ready. But life brings things full circle and we’ll see where this next year leads. Maybe an unexpected visitor in Malawi, we’ll see ;)

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My flights home were uneventful. I felt in a bit of a dream through it all, going through the motions but not really tuning in to everything around me. Back in Malawi now it almost feels like all of my vacation was a dream. It was the same way how Malawi felt while I was in Germany, almost as if it had never happened. I can honestly say that my time away from Peace Corps and Malawi has helped me to appreciate the country much more, even for its quirks and frustrations. I feel more focused on completing my last year of Peace Corps with a bang, and doing more projects as much as my community wants to do. I yearn for more adventures at times, but realize it’s at my front door step every day here in Malawi, regardless of where I am in the country. All I can do in the time being is make the best of all my experiences and realize that not everything lasts, the good and bad. Someday I will find myself back in developed country, craving the Malawian culture once again but unable to return as easily.

A teacher in middle school would tell us every weekend before leaving class, “Life is full of opportunities, choose the appropriate ones.” As my mother says, “Seize the day!” As Bilbo Baggins said, “It’s a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no telling where you might be swept off it.” So with that, trust your feet and seize the opportunities in which you meet! Live life to its fullest :)